i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
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