Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Randomize
