I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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