there's paper in my vomit.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
