awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
