You just made me feel so damn special
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
