So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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