I'm jealous of your bromance
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
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