I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
