My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize