I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
