If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
