I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
she peed on how many people?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
