actually, I'm a sock model
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
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