She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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