Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
