I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize