didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
