just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Randomize
