i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
