So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
