you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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