Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
where does the pee come out of this thing
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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