I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
