I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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