It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
