Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
