she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
