I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
