Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
