take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
