you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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