We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
