Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Randomize