Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I'm too high and old for this...
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
