i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
