Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
tell me about the eggs
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
