Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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