I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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