It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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