dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize