Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
