omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
