I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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