do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
