clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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