i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
