I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
