I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Randomize
