My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
