then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Randomize
