addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize