I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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