This dress was meant to end up on your floor
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
