Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
