i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
