i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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