Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
