GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
