Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
