Whod you bang
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
