my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
