i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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