u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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