Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
