this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
