No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
