we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
you made out with another girl for some wings
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize